In the digital age, the quest for love has expanded into the realm of online dating, offering us a convenient platform to connect with potential partners. However, this landscape has also given rise to a darker side - romance fraud. Also known as catfishing or sweetheart scams, romance fraud involves the manipulation of emotions to exploit victims financially.
The end game is to “rip off” the victim and the by-product is often a trail of emotional and financial devastation. Whilst this criminality typically commences, and is driven through, online communications, (typically social media) sometimes the deal is sealed by meeting the manipulator in a real space where the relationship may become physical and therefore even more complex and sinister.
In the last financial year in the UK (September 2023), the National Fraud Intelligence Bureau (NFIB) received 8,036 reports of romance fraud, amounting to over £92m lost, with an average loss per victim of £11,500.
This post delves into the tactics employed by perpetrators (perps) of online romance fraud, shedding light on the psychological and emotional strategies that underpin these deceptive practices. Eyes on Crime have explored the tactics one can employ to extricate yourself from a suspected romance fraud relationship.
The First Contact:
The manipulator/perp typically casts their net across several online platforms which may go beyond typical dating websites and apps. They and are often very adept at researching key facts about you the further the relationship develops. Victims are often amazed when they discover the amount of online information that is available about them to the perp - this is known as social engineering.
The criminal risk/effort to reward ratio is in the favour of the perp as many platforms are free to join and false details can be provided. As a result, there is limited financial and discovery risk for anyone engaged in this form of criminality. Some common platforms where romance fraud tends to occur include:
Dating Websites and Apps: Perps often create fake profiles on dating websites and apps to target individuals looking for romantic relationships. Popular dating platforms may attract a larger pool of potential victims. More experienced offenders will be prepared to pay to access more exclusive dating apps/sites as whilst the audience is smaller the potential financial payoff can sometimes be much greater.
Social Media: Perps may also approach potential victims on social media platforms, such as Facebook, Instagram, X or LinkedIn. They often create convincing fake profiles and initiate relationships with unsuspecting users.
Online Chat Rooms: Some perps exploit online chat rooms and forums where people with common interests gather. They may pretend to share similar interests and gradually build a fake relationship with their targets. Often the initial relationship has a “hook” of a shared interest such as a job role, religious, charitable, or educational affiliations.
Gaming Platforms: Online gaming platforms can also be a target for romance scams. Perps may use the anonymity provided by gaming usernames and profiles to create fraudulent relationships. Typically, the innocent party may be younger and more vulnerable to the potential criminality.
Romance fraud can happen to anybody. All genders, ages, sexual orientations. People of all cultural and ethnic backgrounds are victims, with gay men disproportionately targeted, accounting for 13% of victims overall in 2023.
The Perpetrator Playbook
Some great work from Thames Valley Police and Professor Elisabeth Carter (2023) has identified the core psychological tactics used in romance scams. The victim in every case will experience a mix of these ploys set in emotional terms to create a point where you are vulnerable to a cash fraud.
Play 1: “My darling - it’s urgent!”
The perp will engineer a time critical situation to provoke the victim into reacting quickly by sending them some money. This is a ploy to ensure there is limited time for the victim to verify whether the request is genuine, and this also applies to situations where a victim is encouraged to invest their own money in a “limited time only” offer.
Another ruse is to create a sense of panic from the victim who feels the need to respond urgently. The perp may lead the victim to believe that their quick action will avert health-related or financial disaster. The perp creates a limited time only situation where the victim needs to act quickly and makes them feel responsible for solving the “problem”
Play 2: “It’s our little secret!”
Secrecy is extremely important to the perp, especially when a victim wants to tell family/friends about the “relationship”. The biggest challenge for the perp is the intervention of the victim’s family and friends and they will make every effort to isolate the victim. The perp will use language which manipulates the victim into feeling a sense of security and obligation and will use tactics which make the demands for secrecy seem like a normal request.
The victim’s attention could be diverted to thoughts of an impending marriage or living together plan. The perp will disguise secrecy as a mutual act between two people on a personal level, rather than as a cause for concern.
Play 3: “I’m disappointed you doubt me darling!”
When, or, if the victim starts to express doubts regarding the online relationship the perp will push tactics to make the victim feel guilty for trying to communicate their concerns. The victim is unknowingly manipulated into apologising (even when their doubts are reasonable).
The perp tries to convince the victim the need for their financial support is temporary and that there are better things to come. Perps use language to create situations where requests for money are disguised as something different, such as a partnership or a joint effort to progress the relationship.
Play 4: “I’m sick with worry that my plan won’t get approval from the bank!”
The perp will have told the victim about their plan which is normally linked to an investment opportunity. This will often be a business venture, residential property proposal, buying an expensive car or payment to offset or consolidate existing loans. This will be a setup for a later request for money.
When the money request comes from the perp it will be framed in such a way that any loan is temporary and there will be some assurances from a family friend or a lawyer (accomplice) that the "big plan" is genuine. There will be a big play on your emotions whereby the success of the “big plan” will entirely depend on your contribution.
There will often be a focus on the perpetrator being sick or ill with worry in order to push on the imperative that the victim needs to act quickly.
The Emotional Aspects of Romance Fraud
The manipulative tactics used by romance fraudsters naturally induce many feelings for the victim – Both positive and negative. It is important to remember these are completely natural reactions to the circumstances. Below are just some of the thoughts and feelings a victim may experience during the “relationship”
The Realisation of Romance Fraud
The realisation that a relationship was not real, but rather a fraudulent (criminal) endeavour can trigger many challenging thoughts and feelings. This can be especially difficult as these will be in great contrast to how a victim felt before they found out. The illustration below are just some of examples of what a victim may feel.
Again it is important to remember that these are completely natural reactions to a traumatic experience. Kindness and understanding can go a long way in times of need. For a victim choosing to be kind to themselves it can mean the confidence to seek further help and support. Kindness and understanding from friends and family will also help a victim move forward in their journey of recovery.
The Dos and Don'ts: Self Defence Tactics
Key Considerations in any Online Relationship
Remember that anyone can pretend to be anyone they want to be online.
Never transfer money on their behalf.
Be wary if you are encouraged to keep things from your family and friends.
Be wary of anyone asking lots of questions about you but not revealing much about themselves.
STOP: Taking a moment to stop and think before parting with your money or information could keep you safe.
CHALLENGE: Could it be fake? It’s ok to reject, refuse or ignore any requests. Only criminals will try to rush or panic you.
PROTECT: Contact your bank immediately if you think you’ve fallen for a scam and report it to Action Fraud.
Non-Negotiables
Never send them any money.
Never allow them access to your bank account.
Never transfer money on their behalf.
Never take a loan out for them.
Never invest your own money on their behalf or on their advice.
Never provide copies of your personal documents such as passports or driving licences.
Never purchase and send the codes on gift cards from Amazon or iTunes. Never agree to receive or send any parcels on their behalf (such as mobile phones or laptops).
Ken Kirwan - Editor Eyes on Crime.
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